Today we had planned to go to church

The small white church on the hill

Passing the Amish buggies on the way

We had prepared a duet

To sing in that small white church

But the plans of men are subject to the plans of God

An ice storm yesterday rendered the long driveway impassable

Despite the shoveling and ice melting treatment

Many layers of black ice will only melt

When the temperature rises enough past freezing

So instead of rushing off to church

Jonathan and David prepare a hot farm breakfast

Pancakes and omelettes and orange juice

The Christmas tree with its shiny red ornaments

And the heavy coal stove making the room feel warm

Outside I watch the birds landing on the bird feeders

The suet seems the most popular

As a woodpecker stops to pick at it

Snowbirds and doves finding bird seed on the snow

It is a peaceful morning

In a peaceful place

My favorite place to be in the in-between

Christmas behind and New Years still ahead

A time when you can’t help but look back

And you can’t help but look forward

The anxiety that usually is a constant companion

Seems to take a holiday here

I watch the birds once again, reflecting

“Consider the birds of the field

They do not sow or reap or store away in barns

And yet your heavenly Father feeds them”

If I could change one thing

It would be to worry less and trust more

Looking back at the past year

How God has provided

Despite many months of need

Not just to end that state of need

But to provide during it

But trusting God isn’t just about cataloguing blessings

The times things worked out when they might not have

It is even more about looking back to the times when the worst DID happen

And yet I lived through it

That, too, happened last year

Many months of asking God why

Unfortunately the times I have faced a worst-case scenario

Have often made my anxiety dig in

Taking up permanent residence in my heart

Rather than becoming an opportunity to trust God

In the midst of hard things

I have a tendency to hang on tight to things

That become a lifeline

When God himself needs to be my lifeline

So I sit and watch the birds

Wondering at how they sing

On this icy day

Seemingly unworried

Finding food that people have left for them to eat

Easier calories than they could have found for themselves

The ground layered in thick ice

I wonder if they are thankful for the food

Where they least expected it

It doesn’t seem to take much food

To satisfy their needs

Their bodies small and light

Consider the birds

How your heavenly Father feeds them

Not just through the worms that slide across the ground after a rain

But through the actions of bird-loving people

Instruments of a bird-loving God

Who brave the cold to put out a piece of suet

Sprinkling bird feed

Dark spots against the bright white snow

Thankful for the ways He has fed me

Even on days colder than this one

How he has been my resting place

My refuge

For the One who feeds the birds

Cares even more about me